Time To Die In This Perfect World
by monkan
Summary: "I will never betray you. I will always be you faithful. I will always love you for as long as you live. So let the fire burn and make those who hurt you pay." the demon whispered in her ear. Hated by those around her, her family give her no love, and bullied to the point of torture. The last thing Loki learned was that her hellish illusions was no illusions. Thorki.
1. Chapter 1

Time To Die In This Perfect World  
By: Monkan

Pairing: Thor/fem!Loki, Others.  
Copyrights: I own nothing; all credit goes to Marvel and the mythology. Nor any other products/names/titles that might be mentioned.  
Warning: F/M, M/M, F/F, Rape, Torture, etc.  
Genre: Supernatural, Angst, Romance, Tragedy, Drama, Thriller, Mystery.

Full Summary: "I will never betray you. I will always be you faithful. I will always love you for as long as you live. So let the fire burn and make those who hurt you pay." the demon whispered in her ear. Loki's been hated by those around her, her family give her no love, and bullied to the point of torture. The last thing she learned was that her hellish illusions was no illusions.

A/N: Because this is a fem!Loki stories I will make a deal with you; if you want this to continue then please leave a review. It doesn't matter how small or long, if you want to read more then let me know what you think. If you've read "Dual Blood" or any other of my stories then you will know it will be worth it.

* * *

~ Prologue ~

_The chanting around her was growing as the phrase repeated and repeated for several minutes. Her bound hands and legs made it impossible for her to flee, and the gag over her small mouth muffled her cries. Her crystal green eyes burning with tears as her fear grew into a panic and she wanted to beg for help._

_The older teens around her was holding hands in a circle as the flicker of a candle made the old barn dance with shadows. Her fragile mind was crying out for anyone to save her._

_The chanting grew stronger as the stench of old rotten straw began to fade and be replaced by a rancid smell and the shadows pulled closer and closer, reaching for her._

_The shadows changed in her eyes until hundreds of hands was reaching for her._

_Her tears drenched her cheek as she cried out against the gag. Her cheek stung for a second and a pair of piercing yellow eyes opened in the shadows and swallowed her whole world._

* * *

Loki sat up with a jerk as the sweat on her back cooled down in the darkness. Her chest pumping in and out air that made her mind calm down and bring her back to herself.

She knew it was just a memory. Not a dream made up by her mind, but a real to the world memory. She saw it often in her sleep. It was the one reoccurring memory in her life she dreamed about. Thankfully most of her other memories was blocked and wouldn't disturb her sleep. The only time she could escape from the world and everything.

Pushing aside the blanket she put her hand against the mattress to push herself up. Bruises and cuts littered against her creamy white skin. The white chemise she wore almost blended in and the gray boxer panties she wore gave away her fit, slender body.

Without much fuss or hesitation she walked over to her desk and pulled open the top drawer, revealing three small plastic bottles of prescripted medicines. Picking up one without reading the label she tipped it over and a pill landed in her hand.

Solely out of habit did she flung her hand back, bringing her head back along with it, sending the pill down her throat and swallowed it without complain. It scraped against the back of her throat and she felt more alive where others would have just found discomfort.

She didn't wait for the pill to take effect before she returned to her bed, waiting for dreamless sleep to take her.

Before she laid down she glared into the corner of her room where a figure stood smirking at her, almost leering at her to say anything.

Without giving a rats ass about the intruder she turned over, showed her back to the intruder and counted the seconds before she sunk into oblivion.

Although she wouldn't remember her new dreams, they were filled with burning fire, screams, and agony. And through the chaos stood a single figure, laughing like a maniac.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

~ Chapter 1 ~

Loki walked into the kitchen, dressed in her school uniform, only to see it empty and nothing on the table. It was a morning just like any other mornings she could remember. Having lost count on how many years since she last ate with her family at this table, Loki didn't even feel the tremor of sadness anymore. Or any table that didn't force them together, and even then did she not feel like a member of the family.

Forgoing eating anything – just like every other morning – she drank a glass of water to keep her body in balance before grabbing her stuff and walking out the front door. Dressed perfectly, Loki felt no joy or sadness whatsoever in going to school on an empty stomach.

It never paid to eat when you were only going to throw it up in another hour.

* * *

Bubbles rose up around her face as she opened her eyes and stared down at the silver edges hole at the bottom, like a black hole threatening her to swallow her. The stains against the white from years of use broke through the enchantment, but even them seemed so familiar that they were nostalgic.

In a disgusting way.

Pain ripped through the back of her head as her face was pulled from the water and into the air. Her lips parted to take in a deep breath, something that had been denied for a good few minutes. The stale smell of smoke hit her nose together with the smell of a public bathroom.

Loki's hair was plastered to her face as her head was forced even further back until her neck screamed in pain.

In the school bathroom, the place where she had been taken to as soon as she had arrived at school, was five other seniors who she didn't know. She had never talked to them but they had bullied her for many years just because they could get away with it.

Who would ever believe a crazy person.

The story of her life.

three guys and two girls.

"Hey," one of the girls said. "Hold her."

The guy that had been holding her head under water secured her arms and with bruising strength made sure she wouldn't escape. Not that she would get far with two of them blocking the exit.

The girl dug in her pocket and took out a small nail-file.

"It's time for some girl time." she said sinisterly before walking closer to the younger girl.

* * *

"Finally decided to make an appearance?" The teacher said sarcastically as Loki walked into the classroom.

Her sweater was tied around her waist and her jaw long hair was combed back to give her a masculine look. With her right hand in her skirt pocket she walked over to her desk and sat down without taking her hand out.

"Yeah." she replied with caring. "Problem with that?"

The teacher narrowed his eyes at her. "Have you done your homework?" he asked heatedly. Being in his middle age and not being respected by his student was something this teacher really didn't like.

Loki reached into her bag – which was safe for the day – and threw her book on top. It landed with a big bang. "Did the whole book." she dared him to say something against her.

"Good." he said in a strained voice. "Don't make any problem for the rest of the class." he knew she would have done all of the book, and all of them would be right. Her book was for the seniors, and an advanced one at that. The freaking girl was a genius. A crazy genius in his mind.

"Whatever." she said as she focused on her desk and all the words and insults that had been engraved in it by others.

She kept her hand strategically in her pocket where a thick bandage was soaking up the blood dripping from her carved nails.

The bullies hadn't ripped out her finger nails, but the girl had carved under two of her nails with the file. It hurt and pulsed, but Loki couldn't go to anyone. If she did then they would only say that she was lying and that she had done it to herself.

Because who would believe an insane girl.

A soft chuckle teased her ears and she forced herself to keep her eyes on the damaged surface as she refused to acknowledge the shape standing behind her right shoulder.

By the end of the class Loki's hair had dried and started to curl around her face. Her class mates ignored her like she wasn't even there, no one even acknowledged her presence and walked forward to talk to her.

However, that didn't erase the slight breathing over her shoulder that she tried to ignore. No one was standing there. There was no one there. No one was looking over her shoulder. It was all just in her head.

If she voice anything then she would go back to that place. Back to being locked up.

This hell was better than the mental hospital.

Loki, still keeping her hand in her pocked, stood up and walked out the classroom to get some fresh air. She walked down the stairs just around the corner to her classroom and was about to head for the open doors that let in the cool air when someone walked by her.

The familiar smell that she had only caught on rare occasions at home, or when she walked by his bedroom with the door slightly open, made her stop dead in her tracks.

Keeping her emotions under control had been something she had learned long ago, but it still didn't keep her from turning around slowly and looking at the back of her older brother.

Thor walked away with his friends, having just passed Loki by a few inches and still not acknowledging her like all other siblings did. To complete strangers there was nothing in their behavior that tied them together as family. No one would believe that they were blood tied.

And that more than anything hurt her heart.

Watching silently until the blond hair of Thor was out of sight, she continued her course and walked outside.

Outside; in the free, fresh air where she could hear other students talking, and the sound of birds, and the close running street; the mix of concrete and nature blended in her senses only to fade into a black and white world of no sounds. Loki walked on, out the school area and following her memory.

In another two hours she was home again. The quiet house just as she left it. The old grandfather's clock in the living room ticking close to 11 am. Her hand flared up and she brought it out of her pocket to see the blood had bleed through the white material.

Not really thinking where she went, she walked into the bathroom on the first floor. Before she even reached the sink she had begun to unwrap the bandage, the pain growing stronger now that there was nothing to keep it from the air and a tight space.

It looked horrible. The water that hit her fingers sent needles of pain before she yanked her hand away from the beam, then returning it with a hiss of severe pain.

A giggle played on her ears, making her look up into the mirror and saw that spiteful face over her shoulder, leering at her with glee. The green piercing eyes stared at her as the whispers started to grow stronger around her. It grew and grew until it all went silent as the person behind her started to open its mouth.

Loki's injured hand went straight into the mirror, cracking it into pieces while leaving it in the frame with only a few parts falling into the sink. Her face reflected in the glass was almost a perfect reflection of who she truly was.

"Go to hell." she hissed loudly.

But she was alone.

There was no one behind her. There had been no one that had followed her for the last few years. The person she always saw, who changed shape between people she knew and those she didn't, wasn't real.

It was all in her head.

She was crazy.

The only thing real about today was the ache in her heart of her brother ignoring her, and the pain in her right hand.

Blood dripped down into the sink.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

~ Chapter 2 ~

The quiet house lay silent for a few hours, letting Loki rest on her bed before she woke up by a sound. Normally she would ignore it because there was never anything good coming from listening to sounds that didn't exist. Her demons would only torture her more.

But then there was a sound of something hitting the wall connected to her room. In her mind she immediately connected the sound to her brother being home. A need to talk to him made her get up, her fingers throbbing despite the new bandage she had put on them. Even if he wouldn't listen to her – or believe her – she needed to talk to him.

With practice ease, she pushed open her door without letting it make a sound and she walked bare footed to her big brother's door that stood a little open and letting out weird sounds.

Once she was within reach, she felt hope bloom in her chest, she really hoped that she could talk to Thor. She really needed to talk to someone. Now when she wasn't being followed by her nightmares.

The second she could see into his room through the open door, she stopped right in her tracks, unable to speak or take her eyes from the view.

Thor was sitting on his bed with his friend Fandral between his legs, sucking him off. One of Thor's hands was holding onto the others hair as he moved up and down, earning moans and grunts from the bigger male. Thor was mumbling things to his friend, some of which Loki could make out before she left like a ghost. She went back to her room and closed the door silently, leaning her head against the frame as she tried to push the image out of her head.

"Did you like the show?" her voice whispered behind her.

Loki turned around and came face to face with her demon which looked just like her. It smirked lecherous at her. "Did it turn you on seeing your brother getting sucked off?"

With all her might, she tried to ignore her twin and went for her bed to lay down, but it followed her. Even as she lay down on the soft surface it went beyond what normally happened. If she pretended to sleep it would leave her alone, but not this time.

Not this time.

It crawled on top of her, it's weight shifting and changing as it straddled her legs. Even the voice changed, sending a jolt through Loki at the familiarity. "I know it excited you. More than anything **I** **know**..." Loki looked up into Thor's leering face. "**I know you wanted to suck me off. **You saw yourself in Fandral's place, playing with my cock. Running you tongue up and down before taking it into your mouth and down your throat. So deep that the mere size of me would choke you." Thor's hands were placed beside Loki's head as he leaned in, his weight pushing her down, his aroused organ pressing against her through his pants. "I know you want me to fuck you. It's what you dream about. Relations like brother and sister no longer is taboo in your mind, I've become a man in your eyes. A man to have sex with. To fuck you senseless. To make you feel more alive than ever before."

"Stop." whispered Loki.

"Since your real brother is busy fucking another guy, I can take his place. I will be everything he is. I will give you everything you want. I will fuck you on my big cock. Make you cum so hard that you will see heaven and hell."

Loki's hand snapped out like a whip, grabbed the fake Thor's hair in a tight grip and brought it closer to her ice cold eyes.

"I said stop." she hissed poisonously.

The Thor on top of her held up his hands with a toothy smirk, sitting back on his haunches so that Loki could get out from under him without much trouble.

She got up and walked toward the door, but before she was out she was followed by the awful laughter from the monster that tormented her.

As she passed Thor's door she couldn't stop her eyes from peeking inside and stopped her for a moment to see Thor fucking Fandral up the ass, making them both groan deeply as skin slapped against skin. Thor's prick piercing the body beneath him as his whole being dominated the other, having complete control.

Not able to look anymore as the laughter from her own room grew louder, Loki walked down the stair and into the kitchen where she got to the sink and could fill one of the clean glasses on the rack next to it. Her eyes wandered until they fell on the expensive knife stand that had rarely been used. It was just for show most of the time, the knives being used was kept in a drawer. But that meant those knives she was looking at would be sharp. Really sharp and ready to be used.

She didn't have to suffer like this, there was no reason, no reason at all. She reached out with her hand with two bandaged fingers and gripped the handle of the large butcher knife. It was heavy in her palm as she pulled it out slowly, letting the blade caress the wood as it left it's home. The metal reflected the light into her face and it looked beautiful.

It was so easy. Just as easy as she had been told so many times by others. By her nightmares. It was sharp and would go easy into anyone she wanted.

_Into the bastard that was being fucked by-_

The tip of the blade hit the counter top and sank into it. Loki stared down into the counter. 'No.' she whispered in her head. 'I'm not a killer.'

From the second floor she could hear the guys screams as they came.

It then hit Loki and she stared at the knife in her grip.

'How was I able to touch that monster?'

* * *

About an hour later, Loki could hear footsteps coming down the stairs and hushed talking.

"So, see you tomorrow?" Thor asked.

"Yeah." Fandral said in a satisfied tone. A wet sound that was probably a kiss reached her ears. "Later."

And the door closed, leaving Thor to sigh satisfied.

Then the footsteps came closer to the kitchen and when Thor came into full view he stopped dead in his track. "What are you doing here?" he asked in a strained voice.

Loki looked up from the glass of water with blurry eyes. "Thinking." she said calmly.

Thor looked around for a moment as if he was afraid to see their parents glaring at him in disapproval.

"Don't worry, they are not here." Loki took a sip from the water.

"How long have you been home?" he asked fearfully, scared of what the answer would be.

"Long before you." the glass clicked against the table.

"If you say anything..." he threatened while pointing his finger at his little sister.

Loki looked at him with a look that stated that he was an idiot. "And who would believe me." her voice was dead. "But don't worry, I won't say anything." her eyes flickered over his shoulder for a moment, hardening. That made Thor turn around to see if someone was standing there after all, but no one was there.

In his mind he was scared of the ruin he would face if their parents learned that he was bedding men. There were many things they didn't tolerate, and their son being gay would be one of them.

Loki turned away her green eyes from the illusion of two Thor's standing in front of her. One looking scared and the other leering at her like a demon. It had come down together with the others and was now standing there looking at her like it was waiting for something.

Thor turned side way as he was ready to leave the room. "You better not." but he managed to take one step before he stopped and looked at Loki closely. "What happened to your hand?"

Looking at it like she just discovered it, Loki lay her hand down on the table top. "Just an accident."

"I see." Thor walked away, back upstairs without a single more word, leaving Loki alone with her nightmares once more.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

~ Chapter 3 ~

The bell above the door chimed as Loki pushed the fashionable door open. The smell of fresh flowers and hairspray filtered into her nose as she walked over to the administration desk where a good looking woman sat. Her long auburn hair was pulled back in a bun to make her sharp features stand out. Her professional dress was sitting snugly on her. The top of the desk was a polished dark wood color with a vase of flowers standing on the corner and some brochures next to them.

"I want a hair cut." Loki said calmly as she ignored he eyes the woman was giving her hair. "Right away." since there wasn't many in yet, and it was drop-in hour Loki knew she would get an appointment right away.

"Certainly, what's your name?" her fingers rested on the keys on the computer, ready to tap in whatever information she needed.

"Loki Odinson."

Just like she had seen so many times before, Loki saw tension seize the woman's shoulders and how she became slightly indifferent. It was her profession to be welcoming so she couldn't be rude. "Yes. Stephanie is free at the moment, you can sit down at the mirror over there." her hand pointed toward a table and chair with a large mirror in front. It was fashionable and clean so Loki felt no need to fuss about anything.

As she walked over and sat down, the woman at the desk called for her assigned hairdresser and whispered something. It didn't take a genius to figure out what they were talking about.

That wasn't the only thing Loki pretended not to notice. The shadow standing next to her was leering at her while pulling it's long hair between her fingers. An identical shadow of her – or what she had looked like only two hours ago.

Loki turned back her attention to her own reflection in the mirror. Her long hair that she had taken pride in was cut unevenly around her head. It was an unprofessional work and it screamed misplaced in the hair saloon.

Her natural curls were coming forth because of the shortness. For some reason, a group of girls had thought her hair annoying and cut it with a field knife. They had restrained her while pulling her hair until it hurt, and with pain until the blade had cut through it in uneven lengths.

There was no reason to stay in school and be the source of gossip so she had come here to fix the problem.

Just as she was falling into her thoughts, the hair stylist came up to her with a polite smile. "Hello, I'm Stephanie."

"Hello." Loki responded politely as tender fingers ran through her hair. She was an Odinson after all so they couldn't mistreat her or kick her out. In a way it was good to have this reassurance.

"If I may ask, what happened to your hair?"

"Got tired of it." Loki answered indifferently. "Just fix it any way you want."

"Alright." Stephanie said as she started to measure with Loki's features and think how she wanted to cut it before she prepared Loki and pulled out her scissor and comb. With each cut Loki felt like another piece of her was taken from her. A little more stripped from her until she was naked and vulnerable. Leaving her.

Just like everything and everyone else.

_DON'T LEAVE ME!_

Loki's eyes opened slowly to see her hair cut in different lengths around her face, all ending at her jawline, enhancing her curls. This would be the new her. She hated it.

The stylist started to talk about her choice of cutting and styling but it fell on uninterested ears. It just didn't matter anymore.

* * *

"What have you done to your hair?" Frigga's stern voice demanded. "And why are you not in school?"

Loki turned her head so she could see her mother who looked like she was going to faint from anger. "I cut it." Loki said as a matter of fact. "It's not like it matters, anyway."

She let her jacket fall over the back of the sofa as she waited for the final judgment.

"I expected better from you." Loki's mother left with a swish of her dress, leaving Loki stand alone.

"Better huh?" Loki laughed humorlessly. "It's too late for that, mother."

Two weeks since she had seen her mother and this was the result.

A door opened and closed. It didn't take long before Thor walked through the room without stopping, only casting a glance at his little sisters new look. However, he did stop before he disappeared around the corner.

"You look like a guy." his voice was judging.

Giving a mirthless smirk full of taunt and irony Loki faced her big brother fair and square. "Will you fuck me then?"

The look of disgust was replaced by a sick one before Thor walked away without any retort.

What was she hoping for anyway?

The back of her neck started to itch and forced her to rub her fingers against it, only to discover scratching marks that didn't belong there.

Scars.

The knife had no doubt cut her skin without her noticing through the pain.

"Worthless." she whispered before heading for her room.

* * *

Much later, Loki woke by the soft shifting in her bed. Something that was unfamiliar and not a good sign. When she tried to turn to click on the light and see who the intruder was, a hand latched onto her mouth and pushed her into the bed. Strong, cold hands was making it clear that she didn't stand a chance against whoever was in her room.

"Not a word or I will kill you." a voice whispered into her ear. "Not that anyone will come if you scream anyway."

Her eyes lighted with recognition. Fandral?

Hands started to explore her body, fondled her and touched her until she wanted to puke.

Closing her eyes she tried to convince herself that this wasn't happening. That it was just another nightmare. _That has to be it. This is just another prank from that monster._

But when she opened her eyes, the shape that had been stalking her for so many years now was sitting by the window and just watching.

Just watching with disinterest and the long beautiful hair she had recently lost.

Her mind tried desperately to think of someone who would come for her, but none came to mind.

In an act of desperation she closed her eyes tight and waited for it to end. It had to end.

The tiny voice whispered in her heart, praying for the answer that had never been come.

A girl whispering:

_SAVE ME!_

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

~ Chapter 4 ~

As per tradition, the Odinson family had an anniversary dinner at the fancy restaurant in town. It was less about family time and more about giving the public a show. They all dressed up in expensive clothes and looked the part of a rich family. All just to make an appearance of good faith to the public. This also meant that Loki had to be there, and although no one else knew it, her monster.

It had been a little over three weeks since she cut her hair and it was starting to grow out again. It was still short and would remain so for many more months until it reached past her shoulders. The damage to her hand had healed mostly, leaving only faint scars that she covered by painting her nails. It was the oldest trick in the book, but make-up really helped.

The men in the family looked the part in their ironed suits and ties, Thor even had gone to the trouble of putting his hair in a tie at the back of his neck, making him appear more adult. Frigga had opted for a beige colored evening dress, her hair pulled up on her head as she always did when they went out to eat. Loki on the other hand, wore a dark purple dress that had been bought for her just a week earlier. It fitted ill around her breast, creating more of a sex appeal than was proper for the evening. It also made moving around harder because the fabric didn't leave much room.

At the moment things were going well, Loki stayed quiet in her little corner of the world while her parents talked to her brother about something she couldn't care about.

The starter had come and gone, some fancy thing with fish before the main meal appeared.

It wasn't that hard really. If only she sat with her shoulders and back straight and ate with good manners then no one had anything to say.

"...at least we can count on you, compared to your sister." Odin's voice hit hard where it would hurt. "Tell me, why did you cut your hair?"

"If you were around then you would know it was cut over a month ago. It's old news." Loki replied like it was boring.

Odin's face remained the same but she could see the lines on his brow, betraying his disapproval. "Is that any manner to talk to your father."

Loki ignored the begging look her mother gave her not to start anything, and the waiting expression on Thor's face. Cutting a piece of the tenderloin, Loki imagined for a moment how it would be to use the knife to cut something else. "I thought we had long since agreed on that I don't have any manners. I'm a nutcase after all." she finished with chewing on the meat and swallowed. "It's not like you care any how."

"Loki." her mother tried to lecture her like a true mother.

Puffing out his chest, Odin gave her the look he gave his employees who failed him. "Watch how you speak to me."

"Or what?" Loki put down the utensils and ignored the grin on her duplicates face. "It's true or you wouldn't have locked me up in _that_ place."

"It was just for your own best." Odin countered, earning a short dry laugh from his daughter.

"Mine? Or yours? You never listened to me and you sure didn't try to understand me. If you'll excuse me..." Loki pushed out her chair and stood up so that she could glare down her nose at the man she was forced to call father. "The trash is going to leave." and she walked away without caring for the disapproving and curious eyes watching her. She cursed them. Every single one of them who dared look at her with those eyes. Eyes who doubted, judged, and condemned her.

'_I'm not crazy._'

Behind her walked the shadow with a sinister face which twisted into a demon's.

No, it wasn't her fault she saw things. Crazy, scary things that others classed as mentally insane.

* * *

**10 Years Ago**

"LET ME OUT OF HERE! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE IN HERE!"

The dark room was dancing around her, drawing closer, closer, and closer until it seemed to breath down her cheek. Tears stung her eyes as she struggled against the restraints on her ankles and wrists.

"HELP! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY! MOMMY! DADDY! SAVE ME!"

Like it could taste her fear, her tears, her terror, the shadow grinned faceless down at her.

"BROTHER!"

Her screams didn't even make it outside the padded room she was locked inside off. One of many rooms in a place where everyone was screaming.

* * *

Once she was a safe distance away from the restaurant, Loki pulled up a crushed package of cigarettes. It was a bad habit that helped her nerves, kept her calm and sane for just a minute longer.

Her fingers pried out the second to last one before reaching for her lighter, a cheap thing that you could get anywhere. Taking a deep breath of the harsh smoke, Loki let it play around in her lungs for a moment before letting it out with a single breath.

She had no idea when she had gotten into this habit, only that it helped her when she needed a release. She didn't want to think about anything. She didn't want to go home because she knew she would be lectured for shaming her family in public.

Taking another breath, Loki made a silent wish that this cigarette would end her life.

But she knew it was useless.

She was cursed after all.

With sure steps, she walked by a backstreet when a stray dog suddenly jumped out to bark on her. The initial sound made her flinch but after giving the mutt an once over, she paid it no attention. For some reason it only seemed to piss the dog of more as it continued to bark at her.

Turning around she glared at the animal. "Shut up." she growled, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

The change was almost immediately, the dog made a whining sound as it tucked its tail between its back legs and backed away slowly. Like it was afraid of her.

"Just die." Loki muttered darkly after the thing as she stopped caring.

Back in the alley, the dog backed into a corner by a dumpster, whimpering. It looked up with big brown eyes before the wall was painted red with blood.

The duplicate of Loki licked her fingers as the taste of blood filled her senses. '_Soon. Just a few more pushes._' Walking away, her eyes was no longer green, but two empty dark holes.

* * *

"Where have you been?" the rough voice demanded as soon as the front door closed behind Loki.

"I walked home. Do you expect me to break the speed limit?" Loki walked past her father who looked like he was about to blow.

"I expect you to respect this family."

Not patient any more to take it, Loki turned around to face the man. "Oh, you mean this family. I thought I had another family somewhere and that's why you only tolerate me."

"As much as you shame me, you are _my_ daughter."

"As much as it _shames you?_" she repeated. "You _don't care_. And if you haven't figured this out yet... we _are not a family._ Family trust each other and care for each other. They don't spend dollars on doctors who don't know crap what they are doing."

"All I've ever done is for your own _best._"

"I was 6 YEARS OLD, and you put me in a mental hospital."

Odin waved his hand as if he were scattering smoke. "You were sick. Seeing things. It's _was_ what you needed."

"_No_!" Loki took a firm step and stood proud in front of the doubting and hard blue eyes of her father. "_What I needed_ was _someone_ to be there. To_ hold me_ and _tell me_ it would be all right, _to keep me safe from the darkness_. But it was too much for you and mom." cutting herself off from saying anything more, Loki was panting as her mind raced back on her life. Of happier times and... she bit her lip. It didn't make any difference now. "I'll be in my room."

"DON'T YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON ME!"

'You turned away first.' the thought trailed through her mind as she walked up the stairs toward her room. To her surprise, Thor stood leaning in the doorway to his own room. Blue eyes watched her every move.

The attention made Loki stop just a few steps away and returned the stare.

"You should know better than to argue with father." he told her in a matter of facts.

Against her will, her heart was aching for her to reach out to him, but she squashed the need ruthlessly.

"Tell me..." she started to get his attention. "What did I do to make you hate me so much?"

Thor refused to answer and remained silent.

The silence caused a slight, humorless laugh escape her lips. Loki shook her head. What were she expecting? "If you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with hell." and she walked past Thor and to her room.

The moment she opened the door, cold air hit her and she could see the shadow in the corner, waiting for her with a grin and hollow eyes. She was standing on the threshold between light and darkness.

Sadly, she had no place in the light, and the door closed behind her.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

~ Chapter 5 ~

The bell had long since rung, but Loki had no chance of getting to class. Not with the five other students having given her a beating. Her ribs felt bruised and it was almost painful to breath. At the moment they were having a slight break while talking what to do with her next.

For some reason or another, the bullies always found a reason to hurt her. If not for something she did, it was something she hadn't done. It never mattered and it never would. They only wanted to hurt her.

Of all days too, her stalker had taken her form, even the shorter hair and was watching like it was the lousiest show ever.

It never helped her. Only watched her. Did nothing but observe.

Ever since that day.

"All right, break time is over." one of the guys said and stood up. "Time to break this bitch once and for all."

Loki's mind clicked to what he was really talking about and memories of Fandral molesting her in the night came to mind. The feeling of unwanted hands on her body. The feeling of a vile breath breathing down her neck. The smell of sweat and bodily juices. The sound of crude words, promises, and groans that seemed to burn into her soul.

They were going to rape her. Here. Right now. Rape her and take away the last thing she had of herself. Rape her. Ra...pe...her...

_The guy smashed into the mirror behind her, sending shards of fragments to the floor as they cut his skin._

Loki blinked as the flash faded from her eyes. There was no broken glass. No blood. Nothing. Then the guy was reaching for her and she knew that either she take it like she did the beatings, or she fought.

Teeth sunk into the hand, causing the guy to scream, pull back his hand and glare at Loki in shock mixed with anger.

Slowly, so that her ribs didn't move too much, Loki stood up and supported herself at the sink. Her eyes narrowed at her assailants.

"I may not fight back when you beat, cut or abuse me. But I will be dead before anyone of you can rape me."

"Bitch." the guys growled and stepped forward.

Loki laughed insanely. "DO IT. I can't fight you all. But you better be ready because I will not let one of you get away without ruining your future forever. Rapists, accomplices, violations, pedophiles, brutality, abusers... all the things that will stain your record will forever haunt you until you wish you were dead. You will not be able to look anyone in the eyes without them knowing what you did."

"If you do then they will know you were the victim. Your reputation will be ruined too." one of the girls said in defense.

"Ruined?" Loki repeated with wide eyes. "I'm already insane. I've been locked up in an asylum. What can be worse than that? I won't go to jail. I will only be viewed as more of a broken person than I already am. Go on, try it. I already have so many bruises and wounds that you will not be able to say I was willing."

The group stepped back slowly.

"Let's go." one of the guys said. "She's completely nuts."

The only one to glare at Loki was the guy she had bitten. When the door closed behind them finally it was like the whole room breathed out. Loki leaned back against the sink, not caring about how dirty it was. Letting out a deep sigh of relief she closed her eyes to gather her strength.

"Bravo."

She opened her green eyes and stared hatefully at her duplicate.

"I didn't think you had it in you but I was wrong." the twin said gleefully.

"Go to hell." Loki hissed.

""Oh wouldn't you like that? But unfortunately... "the fake made a twisted face of dark irony. "I'm not going back anytime soon."

"Why?" Loki forced out. The one question she wanted answer to. "Why me?"

"Don't you remember? Tsk. Tsk." It chided. "How forgetful of you. It's because of you that I'm here. Give me what I want and I will leave."

"And what do you want?"

The fake suddenly appeared at her left side, eyes turning into holes and the smile toothless darkness. "You of course." his whispered in a bottomless voice. "Until then, I will stick around."

And it was gone. Loki blinked to make sure she wasn't seeing things, but it was actually gone.

Water dripped from the roof and when Loki looked up it was there. Standing in the ceiling staring down at her.

There were no escape from it.

* * *

When she got home it was easy to see her parents were once more gone, but there were extra shoes there. Two pair in fact. Laughter came from the living room and when Loki came into view she wanted to throw up.

Fandral sat in one of the seats with a brown head in his lap. Thor was sitting opposite to them and therefore could see Loki right away.

"Welcome home." he said indifferently. To charmed by his friends to really care. Sif glared at her with hatred burning in her eyes while Fandral gave her a look she didn't want to think about.

Loki simply nodded. Her wounds aching under her clothes. "I'll be in my room." she said in a dead voice and walked upstairs. She could hear their not so discreet voices following her, saying crap and judging her.

_To hell with them. To hell with all of them._

However, even if she thought so, her heart hurt at the sound of her brother laughing with his friends. No doubt on her account.

The shadow swept by her and disappeared into her room, letting her know that it was waiting for her. To let her take the steps to get to it.

"To hell with all of 'em." the beautiful young teenager whispered as she once more entered her room for a hellish night.

* * *

The night had fallen and all was finally quiet. The truth was that Loki had to suffer through the sound of the trio having sex in Thor's bedroom. Something she never wanted to experience again. So when they finally finished each other off.

It was in the middle of the night when her door opened once more and let in the second monster she didn't want to deal with. All the while she knew her copy was standing somewhere in the room not doing anything but watching.

"Want my help?" her voice whispered to her, and before she could open her eyes, a scream tore through the house.

Fandral fell on his butt, screaming his lungs out. The sound not only made Loki sit up to look what had happened but it also woke the other two in the next room.

In the semi-darkness of the room, Loki could see the back of her shadow, facing Fandral. She had no way to see what kind of face the shadow made, but from the bastard's reaction it must have been horrible. Something she had gotten used to over the years.

The ghost faded just as the door, which Fandral had closed behind him, smashed open. There stood Thor in just a pair of underwear and a shocked look on his face. Thor's face twisted as he saw a buck naked Fandral, sporting a hard-on, sitting on the floor of his little sister's room. He stepped in and with great force, grabbed his fuck buddy by the neck and threw him out.

Loki could hear angry voices but not what they said. Then the front door was clicked, opened, slammed shut, and clicked again. So loudly that it sounded unreal.

Loki just sat there in bed with a linen and panties. A couple of bruises from the session today marked her skin but otherwise she was untouched.

Steps as heavy as lead ran into her room. It happened so fast that Loki couldn't think as her brother sat down on the bed next to her, took her shoulders and looked her in the eyes.

"Did he touch you?" he asked seriously, anger lacing his words. "Answer me. Did Fandral touch you?"

Still not able to understand what was happening, Loki just stared into Thor's eyes – not able to hide her chock – and answered. "Not tonight." The words were laced with such stupid honesty that it sounded like a child had answered them.

"Oh, Gods." Thor whimpered before gathering Loki in his arms. "Forgive me. Please, forgive me." he continued to whisper as he held her close.

Slowly and carefully, not sure if the spell would lift as soon as she touched the other, Loki hesitatingly put her arms on Thor's body and started to melt into his embrace.

Just inside the doorway stood Sif. Her brown hair down her shoulders as she just watched the siblings. Her face slightly disgusted with what had happened but she couldn't get over the feeling that someone else was watching her.

TBC


End file.
